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What Happens to a Child When Dad Dies

What happens to a child when Dad dies? Childhood is supposed to be happy. It’s supposed to be carefree. Parents try to shield their children from the harsh realities of life, but there is no way to block the grief from losing a parent. The question is: Will that child be happy again? Really, truly happy? Unfortunately, I know better than most because I am a child whose father died way too soon.

Here I am with my sister on my Uncle Rick’s boat.  I am the little girl in the yellow life jacket.

What Happens to a Child When Dad Dies

It is the early eighties.

How old am I? Six? Seven? Eight? Somewhere around there. I was at an age where I had lived half of my life with my father and half without. My dad died when I was three and a half. I don’t have any memories, happy or sad, with him now. But back then, did I? Did I still have both parents in my head and in my heart? My adult memory begins two months after he passed, when were driving away from Virginia to Washington, south to north, east to west, to a new life.

Here I am, utterly free and happy. My head is tossed back, rushing in the wind, my eyes turned up to be blinded by sunlight. I always do that when I am happy: look up to stop seeing. Pure experience washes over me.

Yesterday I texted my husband, The kids finally broke mom.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Yesterday I texted my husband, The kids finally broke mom.” quote=”Yesterday I texted my husband, The kids finally broke mom.”]

It was a bad day.

I used to cry a lot, but it is rare these days. Motherhood gave me a huge shot of joy and an even bigger shot of suck-it-up. It’s not that I hold things in all the time; I just don’t even feel like indulging negativity with expression. I don’t have the energy to spare.

But last night you could find me heaving sobs at the foot of my refrigerator surrounded by burnt spinach all over the kitchen floor as my children looked on. My cries were the only sound that could cut through the nonstop screaming that had bombarded me all afternoon. I tried to block out my youngest’s hollers, telling myself, Don’t respond, he has to learn to use words. But after awhile, it wasn’t just Jack screaming into my ears. It was me screaming inside my brain, SHUT-UP! SHUT-UP! SHUT-UP! JUST STOP! I CAN’T EVEN THINK!

Today, after two weeks of rain, we have a reprieve. One, maybe two days of sun, the forecasters hedge, but then it’s back to the rainy season. Under this blue sky that is hard to imagine, just as during yesterday’s downpour, I couldn’t dream of this light.

Now, here’s a close up of this old, blurry, dusty picture.  Through the haze I see only one thing: unbridled happiness.

What Happens to a Child When Dad Dies

Photographic evidence that there is always a reprieve.

This summer, that’s what I’m chasing.

 

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Amanda says

    July 30, 2016 at 3:31 pm

    I’m so sorry you lost your dad so young. My father-in-law just passed in June very unexpectedly and it has been difficult on all of us. It comes in waves, some days are good and some are bad. Glad I stumbled upon this post now!

    xo, Amanda | http://www.thegoldengirldiary.com

  2. Kate says

    July 30, 2016 at 12:17 pm

    My heart goes out to you, mama. Sounds like a tough day! Glad you’re looking for the reprieve. What a beautiful photo of happiness, a good reminder that we can still find happiness when things are hard or sad.

  3. Rebecca says

    July 30, 2016 at 11:42 am

    Thanks, I’m sorry about your dad too. You’re right grief comes and goes. It’s beautiful and heartbreaking, isn’t it?

  4. Brittany~www.followthedyers.com says

    July 29, 2016 at 2:05 pm

    So sorry you lost your dad. I lost my dad young also! Even though there is sadness, joy always returns, even amidst the moments of pain and missing him.

  5. Tineke - workingmommyabroad says

    July 29, 2016 at 12:51 pm

    Beautiful post, and so sorry you lost your dad that young. My dad passed recently, not comparable but yes way too young and amongst all the sadness it also made me think about this topic a lot. What if my son had to grow up without his dad or me? Has been going through my mind a lot the days after the funeral, so very good moment for me to read your post!

  6. Emily says

    July 29, 2016 at 12:23 pm

    What a precious picture! Such happiness…

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Hi there and welcome to Mamaguru! My name is Rebecca Cofiño and I created Mamaguru to help people live happier lives by living deliberately. It’s so easy to get caught in the hustle and bustle of busyness, and to feel like we never get the chance to live the life we really want.  As a working ...

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