It can be good to be bad, and sometimes bad advice can turn out to be the best advice. There are some very good reasons for going to bed angry or taking your anger out on others. In fact both of those just might make you a nicer person in the wrong long run. These 5 nuggets of bad advice you should take are real pieces of advice my friends have given me over the years. Some of this advice sounds crazy at first, but once you delve into it, you will be surprised to find some wisdom in what seemed like very bad ideas at first glance.
5 Pieces of Bad Advice You Should Take
1. Take your anger out on others.
This sounds mean at first, but think of the alternative. You spend your day feeling clobbered by strangers who cut you off, say rude things and otherwise behave badly. When you get home, your bottled up anger finds a release with someone you love. Family is supposed to provide a safe shelter where we can let down our guard, but we often end up taking our pent-up frustration out on those dearest to us.
Instead, we should express our anger on the spot, so it doesn’t fester or get misdirected. Don’t get into a road rage battle over this. You must use discretion, but telling someone, “Hey, you cut in line,” or, “How rude!” can be an effective vent (and also may solve the problem). I wouldn’t take it further than that in the interest of safety and civility. Just the act of not letting someone insult you with impunity prevents a build up of rage you don’t want to take home.
2. End Bad Days with Good Sex
“If you’re having a bad day, just have sex with someone!” This golden nugget was given to me back in my single days , by a girlfriend who was very different from me. At first I laughed it off, but later I decided to give it a whirl. Guess what? It really works! Men have long used sex as a mood lifter and stress reliever, so why shouldn’t we? I’m not advocating promiscuity, but orgasms not only feel great, they’re also great for our health. There is scientific evidence to back up our need for the Big O. Orgasms encourage the body to release:
* phenetylamine: a hormone that helps regulate appetite. ORGASMS MAKE YOU SKINNY!
* endorphins: hormones that reduce pain in the body by up to 70%
* seratonin: a hormone that calms and relaxes
* DHEA: a hormone which improves brain function ORGASMS MAKE YOU SMART!, cardiovascular health, fat metabolism and healthier skin ORGASMS MAKE YOU PRETTY!
* oxytocin: the happy, feel good hormone
* immunoglobin A: an antibody which improves the immune system by up to 20%
There you have it. It’s an excellent piece of advice. Next time you’re stressed or upset, grab your partner or yourself (solo has the same effect) and get it on.
3. If you’re sad, drink coffee.
It’s true. This works. My girlfriend used to swear by this mantra during her first year in Seattle. During one dark period I think she existed on lattes alone for three days straight. I learned it myself while working my way through college as our campus barista. Lines were crazy-long during class breaks, but everyone in line was happy in anticipation of their caffeine jolt. I conducted my own coffee experiment and found it to be a wonderful energy booster.
Studies have shown that people who drink 2 cups of coffee a day are happier that those who don’t. Coffee also gives a brief elevation in your metabolism, so you’ll burn calories too. Coffee’s antioxidant qualities have been linked to a reduction in Parkinson’s, diabetes and colon cancer. It’s a small boost, but on a gloomy day it might just give you the lift you need.
4. Go to bed angry.
This tip was given anonymously at my bridal shower. All the guests wrote down marital advise. Someone else wrote the more familiar, Never go to bed angry. We all laughed at the contradiction, so I experimented with both options. For my marriage, angry sleep is usually the best choice. Sometimes an argument has reached its limit and it’s late. Neither one of us is genuinely willing to concede and our tiredness makes matters worse. Rather than hashing it out, a good night’s rest is in order. Although actually falling asleep can be rough, in the fresh morning light passions have cooled. The rest makes both of us more considerate and clear-headed. A compromise, a forgiveness or a simple smooch to just let it go is possible in a way that wasn’t the night before.
5. Wallow in misery.
Sometimes awful things happen to wonderful people and a good old-fashioned pityfest is needed. Rather than being reasonable or optimistic, it feels absolutely delicious to wallow in misery. It’s an indulgence rarely allowed after toddler and teen years. When I was 8 1/2 months pregnant in a blistering Miami summer, I started an I-Feel-Sorry-For-Rebecca-Club and tricked my husband and bestie into joining. The sheer ridiculousness of it brought forth giggles. By giving ourselves permission to feel bad, we usually start to feel better.
If you’ve given or received some good Bad Advice, pass it along for us all in the comments.
Great and interesting post! I agree with the going to bed angry because sometimes the sleep helps us see more clearly in the morning. Sometimes we just need a cool down period. Usually my hubby and I talk it out before we go to sleep, but on occasion the go to bed angry has been the best route.
Love this post. Lots of truths and lots of laughter!
Totally agree on going to bed angry – there’s nothing worse than bickering when you’re both tired! A good sleep can really help you cool down and move on.
Love this list – I totally agree that going to bed angry can make for a more constructive conversation the next day.
And – coffee all day everyday. Sign me up!
A trip to Starbucks will totally lift my mood. These are all great but I dont know about going to bed angry. The husband and I can’t sleep like that and eventually one of us rolls over to cuddle. However, everyone is different and find their own solutions to these sort of issues.
Love these! I agree especially about the go to be angry advice. I don’t know that I’m ever SUPER angry at bedtime, but I can usually stop and recognize when I’m overwhelmed, frustrated, and touchy that it will likely all seem at least somewhat better after some sleep. I think it’s important to express the frustration (see your #1 tip), and then agree to revisit the topic the next day if needed. My husband and I have gotten much more sleep and had much more respectful conversations this way.
This is so great! I definitely relate about letting my anger out on my husband, which is awful. He would be thrilled to hear that I read it’s recommended that I initiate some intimate time rather than be short tempered with him!!
Go to bed angry is something that has worked well for me! When I try to fix things before going to bed, I end up staying up way too late and half the time end up going to bed angry anyway. Things ALWAYS feel less intense in the morning. Also, I think it’s great to stand up for yourself when someone is rude to you. It’s hard for me because I’m a people pleaser by nature but I try to model to my kids that others shouldn’t get away with being mean. This can be done in a decent way without escalating the situation for sure. I actually just wrote about that last week in an article for work 🙂 Interesting article my friend! Oxx
Great post on the “bad” advice we’re given that actually works. Honestly, I never feel right when I take out my anger on someone else. And who knew a want beverage actually makes you smile. I’m not a fan of coffee so I’ll be doing it with tea or hot cocoa.
Brilliant and well written on turning bad advice on it’s head!
I think you’ll find that I recommended being appropriate and not escalating situations. I certainly didn’t say attack random people, but more of express anger in situations as they arise. If someone cuts into line, call them out on it rather than letting frustration sink in and fester. If someone cuts you off in traffic, toot your horn (once) so you don’t have to drive away angry. I think people can run into problems when they absorb a lot of negativity throughout their day, rather than addressing frustrations directly in the moment. That’s when people start expressing anger inappropriately and start misdirecting it at their loved ones.
I’m glad. Thanks for letting me know.
I love it! I certainly don’t recommend wallowing as a way of life, but sometimes it’s such a relief to admit how bad a situation is. It helps me get over it.
Glad to hear. Thank you.
My pleasure.
You’re welcome. It’s fun to take on a different perspective.
Never thought about it this way! I love this! Thanks for sharing
so interesting!! Thanks for sharing! xx, gracie
snappedbygracie.com
Great advice and I totally agree. Sometimes being the “nice one” really takes a toll on you. Great read.
I would definitely have to agree with you on a lot of this advice- good sex and good coffee can certainly cure a bad day. And, as a side comment on the one about wallowing, there’s an entire book about this – it’s called Constructive Wallowing and it’s based on reverse psychology!
Wow such a different perspective on all of these, I love it. You have inspired me to look at this differently!
I agree with all but taking anger out on others. That could, quite frankly make you lose your job, friends, etc. Even the person in line at the grocery may think little of you. Anger is good, don’t get me wrong, but you need to be appropriate. I have fired people who were a little to “free” with negative feelings. Does not help a work environment.