The End of Kindergarten

I think I was supposed to be sad today.

Jack graduated kindergarten and we are officially out of the baby/toddler/preschooler section of life.  For good.  We are now a full-fledged elementary school family complete with a first and second grader.  Other moms cried.  Other moms caught frogs in their throats.  Not me.

I expected to be emotional.  After all, this was my baby’s graduation.  Not my eldest’s, whose accomplishments are always heralded with such excitement simply because they are new.  Jack is my baby so he closes all the doors Max opened.  Like I said, I expected to be emotional.

And I was, but the emotion caught me off-guard.  It was joy!

Just like when I walked down the aisle at my wedding with an vintage hankie tucked into my bouquet, my anticipated tears didn’t come.  Instead I was flooded with such intense happiness as I felt the love of my family when they saw me in my gown.  I had thought my wedding marked the arrival of my true love, but with every step I took towards the alter I suddenly understood that I had been loved wholly my entire life.  All I could do was smile and giggle through the ceremony.  Happiness to the brim!

In the blink of an eye, Jack grew up.  Max too.  But that was always the plan; kids grow and go.  That I get custody of such magnificent beings, even if it is just for that lightening quick blink, is the greatest gift of my life.  I steady my gaze on that gift, found only in the present moment.  Any backwards or forwards thinking would blur my vision.  I would miss everything.

My cousin, whose baby is now a junior in high school, has always played the role of mentor mommy for me.  When my children were born and I gasped at their astounding rate of growth, she assured me that whatever age her son is, is always her favorite, even in the dreaded teen years.  That brought me an enormous sense of relief, and I’ve found her wisdom to be true.  By the time infancy was done, I was ready for more personality and more sleep.  When the toddler years passed, it was nice get rid of diapers and zip all around Miami enjoying French storytime and Chinese puppet theatre. Now that preschool is over, I enjoy hearing fresh ideas come out of my children’s mouths that aren’t simply recycled lessons I’ve taught them.  My soul stirs when we each grab a corner of the sectional to cozy up reading.  I read my book and they read theirs, each of us in our own world and yet together still.

My cousin gave me another nugget of wisdom that helped anchor me in the here and how.  On a recent birthday card she wrote that she thinks the ages 6-11 are the real stuff of childhood.  Instantly I realized how many memories I have from elementary school.  Not just of events, but of intense feelings and unbridled dreams.  I have entered the thick of my children’s childhoods.  Memories start here.  Magic lasts here.

Why would I want to be anywhere else?

I forgot to cry today, but thank God, I remembered to smile.