I don’t want my sons to marry a woman who spent her childhood as a princess.
First of all, that woman probably was not an actual princess. Only a handful of royals exist today and they are not American. (Yes, I am assuming my children are marrying locally, but I will make an exception for true blue, actual princesses.) I just don’t want the fake.
Who is the woman whose only Halloween costume was a princess?
Who is the woman whose birthday theme every year was a princess?
Who is the woman whose sex was announced as, “You’re having a princess!” at the second trimester ultrasound?
I’m sure she’ll be lovely, but I’m not sure she’ll be prepared to be a great partner for my sons.
Speaking as a potential mother-in-law I have to say, I doubt she’ll be realistic enough for marriage. I suspect she might not be a true equal for my sons. She will probably insist on her equality, but I’m not sure she’ll pull her own weight. I assume she’ll grow and morph into a mature woman, but I worry that a part of her will always be looking for a rescue, a hero, or maybe even a sugardaddy. I know a good portion of her self-esteem will be tied to her beauty and sexuality and I don’t want my sons to be responsible for filling a black hole her parents unwittingly created.
Please don’t misunderstand me.
I am an extremely feminine woman. In fact, I refused to wear pants until the end of fourth grade to the shock of my own mother. I still favor dresses. I am currently living in a fairly traditional marriage. In no way do I reject the unique and beautiful qualities associated with being a woman. I celebrate them daily.
I also have no problem with a princess phase as long as it is just a phase. One birthday party. One Halloween. One phase of many as she tries on roles and forms her identity. Hopefully that phase will be something more than just a Disney-hijacked, primped and pimped image of a princess. Hopefully she will be introduced to the real literature and lore of princesses. Hopefully, she’ll know something of modern princesses and the important social work they do today.
The Real Ideal
The kind of woman I hope my sons marry is an explorer in every sense of the word. She’s adventurous in life and in her thoughts. She is strong and has a strong sense of self. She cares deeply about others and the world around her. She has an overwhelming passion for life. She will show him new vistas and enrich his life. She has a lot to learn from my son and a lot to teach him too. She is searching for a partner because she wants to share her life, rather than a man to save her life.
I wish parents of today’s girls would stretch their imaginations. Little girls don’t need to be coerced into being tomboys, but what about expanding their images of femininity? Here are some “girlie” ideas for parties and costumes off the top of my head: butterflies, rainbows, ballet, horses, fairies, kittens, France, candy, teddy bears, English tea, fashion, flowers, daisies, gardens, candles, crafting, art, music, piano, baking, characters from literature. In no ways is this list complete or perfect, but took only a second of thought. Aren’t today’s girls worth a moment of time, an expansion of creativity, a push past incessant marketing campaigns?
If not, I’m afraid your princess should stay locked in her tower.
She won’t be good enough to marry the real gentlemen I’m raising.
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