Getting gifts should be the easy part of the holidays, but sometime receiving presents presents an etiquette conundrum.
What do you do when someone unexpectedly gives you a gift and you have nothing for them?
a. Smile and say, “thank you.”
b. Get flustered and say you don’t have their gift with you because you thought you’d be exchanging gifts at a later time. Then run to the mall and buy your friend a gift.
c. Be honest and say that you wish you had known that he/she wanted to exchange presents, because you would have gotten something and now you feel like an idiot standing there with nothing to give.
The best behavior is A. Every present deserves warm, sincere thanks. Above all, the giver wants you to enjoy your gift, so by focusing on your embarrassment in the situation, you unwittingly deny your friend the chance to see your joy. In fact, both B and C attack the giver by suggesting he/she did something wrong. Think about how your friend feels, standing there watching you be frustrated, rather than delighted by his/her generosity. That moment should be about thanks. Later you can choose whether or not to give your friend a gift in return. If this is someone you don’t want to have an exchange with (keep in mind the precedent you’re setting), just write a thank you note. Haven’t we all either been flush with money or saw something perfect and acted in spontaneous generosity without expecting anything in return? If you choose to give your friend a gift, make no apologies or excuses when you present it. Enjoy your friend’s enjoyment. Remember the rule is: You must appreciate, but you needn’t reciprocate.
Is there any other acceptable replacement for the handwritten thank you note? Everybody either emails, texts, facebooks, tweets or calls each other these days. Many people don’t have the mailing addresses of their friends. Do we really have to follow up a gift with a traditional thank-you note, especially when we exchanged the presents in person and have already said, thank you?
Yes and no. The best behavior is to follow up your in-person thanks with an additional message of appreciation. This acknowledges the effort it took for your friend to think of, purchase, wrap and deliver the gift to you. Surely we can muster a bit more effort than 2 syllables muttered on the spot. That’s the yes part; here’s the no part. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a postal message. It all depends on the grandness of the gift and who gave it to you. Grandmothers expect and deserve a handwritten notes. An extravagant gift warrants a 43¢ stamp. However, if you frequently use a modern method of communication with the giver, you can use that same method to convey your thanks. Make sure the message is private and direct. Do it in a timely manner, but wait until you are separated. (No texting thanx immediately to get it out of the way.) Simply convey how much you appreciate the gift, the thought behind the gift, and the giver. If you want to mail a note, by all means, do so. That is always the most polite, however, many people live a much more casual lifestyle these days. The rule is: Expressing gratitude isn’t a formality, but you needn’t do it formally.
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