Home Sweet Preschool

It’s that time of the year again: preschool applications. 

I spent this fall looking for options, but I have not been able to find the perfect solution for our kids.  I am a product of a Montessori preschool and I credit that with a lot of my academic success.  I always intended to enroll my children in a similar school.  Alas, it is not so easy.  The Montessori school in my town requires children to attend all day, five days a week.  That makes me suspicious of its business model.  It sounds more like a daycare than a preschool.  It’s also insults me as a mother.  Why would I want to enroll my child in a school whose educational philosophy is that my role as a parent is not very important?  I spoke to the director and don’t think it’s a right fit.

Other options include a jaw-dropping tuition in a ritzy neighboring city or a lovely Montessori elementary school with a long commute.  My husband suggested that we limit our search to places nearby to align with our values of reducing our fuel consumption and wasting our time.  I agree, but that limits our options even more.

After a lot of soul-searching and research I have decided to home-school our kids through kindergarten and quite possibly through middle school.  This was never my intention, but it feels like the right choice for us.  Whenever I think about our kids going to school, I panic.  Although the public schools in our town receive high scores on state tests, I have walked their halls and been unimpressed.  Florida leads the nation in emphasizing test scores and has recently introduced a merit pay system for teachers.  That means a teacher’s salary is dependant on how well her students perform on tests.  As a former teacher, I am horrified.  As a parent, I am scared to enroll my children in a system where their teacher’s paycheck requires them to teach for a test rather than inspire kids to learn for life.

Private schools are an option, but their cost frequently is much higher than their additional benefits.  Again location and commute times come into play.  Charter schools are another option.  In fact a new one opened up a few blocks from our house.  Unfortunately, the classrooms don’t have windows and there isn’t a playground yet.  I’m not sure I could send my kids to spend their days cooped up and without sunlight. 

The idea of homeschooling has been floating in our family for a few years.  My first reaction was dread.  I didn’t want to sacrifice my time to do it.  There is no way I would skimp on my children’s education, so to do a good job I will have to take time, effort, creativty away from my own projects, namely mamaguru.com.  After the enormous sacrifices I made during pregnancy, infancy, and toddlerhood, I hesitated to sign up for more.  I was expecting the relief of school and giving that up made me sad.  One shouldn’t sacrifice more than they can give with a willing heart.  It can cause regret and resentment.

Sit with a though long enough and it can change.

That’s what I did.  I kept returning to homeschooling in my mind.  I spoke with other homeschoolers and realized that a lot can be fit into a condensed period of time when focus is involved.  I thought of how much time is wasted in getting a group of children to stand in one line, then another and how quickly progress is made with one-on-one attention.  I thought of how much I want my children’s education to be connected to the real world with interdisciplinary activities.  I thought of the ease of conducting our lives outside of the normal work week schedule.

I thought of how much I love my little boys.  How much I want a front row seat in their lives.

I expect that when my kids grow up and we experience the tension of adolescence, they will throw this sacrifice in my face.  They’ll probably order me to get a life.  Don’t we all say this to our parents in a fit of anger?

What they won’t know is how carefully this choice was made or how prepared I was to make it.  I accept ownership of this choice.  Our culture is so focused on the individual that sometimes we forget that is only one way to live.  We can live for others.

It was my heart’s desire to be a mother.  It is my heart’s desire to spend the rest of my life offering my love, knowledge and care to my children.

It is not a sacrifice to give my heart. 

It is love.