Currently, my life is out-pacing me.
I don’t like to be in this position and I’m trying to wriggle myself out of it. I strive to live a deliberate life, especially during stressful times (when it matters most!). Right now, I have weekly responsibilities that truly astound me and I have to fit them into my very rigid daily schedule. Here’s the rundown:
Monday: Pitch freelance topics, prepare for college course.
Tuesday: Teach college course.
Wednesday: Meet deadline for 5 freelance articles.
Thursday: Write and submit invoice. Shop and begin prep for farmer’s market.
Friday: Bake from before morning coffee until late at night.
Saturday: Wake up at 5:30 to set up for the Farmer’s Market. Get home at 1:30, utterly exhausted.
Sunday: Research articles, family outing.
Writing articles, prepping for class, writing for mamaguru, finishing my book and all my regular duties like groceries, homeschool for Jack, cleaning my home, laundry… need to be fit in between taking Max to and from school everyday (a 45 minute round trip commute, twice). I’d like to get on top of things and not constantly live deadline-to-deadline, but that isn’t possible with this very specific timing.
I need to catch my breath.
I won’t even tell you about the plans I have next weekend.
OK, I will:
a children’s opera, an art class with Romero Britto, a spooky symphony concert, our town’s Halloween Festival, and of course, the farmer’s market
Yikes!
I can drop every single one of those events if I want to, but I don’t. I refuse to fall into the trap of sacrificing the sublime for the mundane. It’s so easy to get caught on the hamster wheel: constantly spinning, but never getting anywhere. These enriching activities help my children grow in spectacular ways. If I cross them out, then our life becomes all chores, all the time. Ugh! I will do what I always somehow manage to do: find the time.
The funny thing is, sometimes finding the time means wasting it.
Yesterday was one of those days when I needed to be either extremely productive or deeply unproductive.
My body ached and my energy lagged. I could have pushed myself, but I knew there was an alternative. Sometimes rest is the highest spiritual practice. A well-nourished spirit has creativity, centeredness, fortitude and a well-spring of energy. It can accomplish more in less time than a frazzled spirit. Rather than tackling my enormous To Do List, I decided to feed my soul.
Catching the second fall breeze of the season, I packed up my family and our dinner and headed to the beach. My children dared the strong winter waves on the long stretch of ocean shelf that kept them safe while Andres and I drank wine on a blanket. They giggled and screamed and ran and jumped while I fell back in love with Miami and her subtle nod to autumn. A cool breeze. The disappearance of mosquitoes. The return flight of every North American bird. There is even a new hue of blue for the season.
We ate under palm trees, polishing off a bottle of wine and feasting on the one unsold loaf of bread from the farmer’s market. Before we left the house, I sliced the bread and painted it with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. I sprinkled it with pink Himalayan sea salt.
It was delicious, but that’s not how you feed your soul.
You feed your soul by starving it of any sense of time.
You get lost in your children, your lover, your thoughts or a new hue of blue. You let time slip by without paying any mind.
By the time you find yourself again, you will discover that your starvation has left you deeply nourished.
That is how you feed a soul.
How I fed mine.
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