He doesn’t have language yet. His eyes open wide, fingers emphatically point, excited syllables escape, “Oh! Oh! Oh! OH! WOW!”
He wants a friend.
Max is one and half years old, and he is just figuring out that there is a world outside of mom where he can find friends. He has never gone to daycare and doesn’t attend any regular classes, so he has had limited exposure to other children. Up until this magic age he pretty much ignored them. I was his whole world. Now, his eyes are bigger; he sees the world beyond my arms and wants to dive in. He is thrilled to realize there are people his own size and he is eager to meet them. He wants a friend, and watching him try to make them brings me to tears I don’t quite understand. As his mother I have a front row seat as this tiny creature begins his first tentative steps into society. I want so much to pave the way, but I hold myself back knowing although I gave him life, it is his own now. And so, heart in my throat, I watch.
Attempt # 1
My husband and I take Max to the big playground across town instead of the small one just down the block. As soon as we step out of the car, he is ready to go. Instinctively he knows this is his kind of place. The shouts of older kids elicit squeals of joy from him. He can hardly wait for us to open the gate.
Once inside, he runs ahead, then stops suddenly. Most of the kids are eight or nine years old. They’re in the midst of an elaborate game of tag. Max points and exclaims, “Oh Wow, Oh Wow, Oh Wow!” I never thought I said the word, “wow,” often, but it’s a fixture in his limited vocabulary that must come from me. I find a bench to sit with his baby brother, Jack, and send Max and Daddy off to climb.
After a few minutes, they are back within my view. Max spies a boy who is about his size. He walks up to him and just stands there. He doesn’t know what to do. He turns to me and grins, then turns back to the boy and waits for something to happen. My husband and I meet the boy’s mother. It turns out he is only eight days younger than Max. He has a twin sister, but Max won’t have anything to do with her. It is this boy, his size, whom he wants as a friend.
The boy is completely oblivious to Max. He twirls a dead leaf in his hand. Max follows him around, occasionally pointing to his friend, but getting no attention back. He doesn’t seem to mind this. My heart is leaping out of my chest, so excited for him, but already breaking at the rejection. It occurs to me that there will be a day when my sweet baby boy’s heart will be broken. My own heart breaks now at this inevitability.
The boy sees another child’s toy car and drops his leaf as he runs towards it. We had already forbidden Max to ride on this car, so I brace myself for a tantrum. But Max doesn’t care about the car. He sees the leaf and seizes the opportunity. Picking up the boy’s leaf, he runs after him trying to return it.
Again, the boy is oblivious to Max. He is preoccupied with the car. Max stands there, holding the leaf for four agonizing minutes. Every so often he raises it, offering it to the boy. He is completely ignored and completely unfazed. I swell with love and mother’s pride that my son has such sweetness inside of him.
Attempt #2
We are at a neighbor’s birthday party. She is turning four years old and all of her friends are older. The hired clown struggles to corral the children into a game of Musical Chairs. The game drags on, because in her frustration with the little people, the clown keeps forgetting to take out a chair. When the music stops, everybody sits down and the bewildered clown starts yelling at the parents to help her.
Max is watching this, too little to participate. Finally, the clown takes out a chair and a little girl is booted out of the game. She stands next to her mother to watch the spectacle. We don’t know these people at all. Out of nowhere, Max walks up to her and gives her a full-body hug. She brushes him off and I scoop him up, but he wiggles out of my arms. He doesn’t want me; he wants a friend.
Attempt #3
There is always the little brother. Jack is mellow, jolly and adorable. Max likes to snuggle up to him the way he cuddles his stuffed animals. At five months, Jack is quite strong. The other day I stood him on his feet. Max rushed over and put his arms around him. The music was playing and they started swaying. Jack has finally become accustomed to his brother’s random act of fierce love and instead of howling protest, he smiles. I smile too.
Max made his first friend.
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