One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say, “I gave 110%.” It doesn’t matter what number they say, if it’s above 100 and they use the word, percent, I cringe. The whole concept of percentages requires the number to be 100 or less. Yes, I know it’s a pattern of speech used for emphasis, but that gets lost in constant misuse. A few months ago I was flipping through channels and landed on Maury Povich where a woman claimed she was 1250% certain the baby was his. (Turns out she was 1250% wrong about that, but that’s another story about how I can waste my time.) The overuse of exaggeration is more than a minor irritation. As a society, I fear we have lost contact with the reality that the world in which we live is finite.
Years ago I read a magazine article that depicted the lives of powerful women in pie charts. They showed how much time Oprah spends on her career and pets, but also that she doesn’t have children. Martha Stewart had lots of time for business, crafts, pets, and home-keeping, because she had no husband and she was done raising her child. I once heard Sarah Jessica Parker deflect praise about losing baby weight quickly pointing out all the help she has with nannies, personal trainers and assistants. The fact is nobody can do everything all the time. It’s a limitation of physics and skewing the percentages doesn’t change that fact.
I often think about my own life as a pie chart. It’s a good way of checking to see if life is what you want it to be. Sometimes the pieces have to be rearranged to make room for something important. Sometimes something important can’t fit in despite all my rearranging efforts. Jump up and down on a suitcase all you want. At some point, not another thing can fit. If you don’t accept that fact, you’ll either break your suitcase at the seams, or miss your flight while trying to fit the impossible.
I recently threw an over-the-top birthday party for my son. It wasn’t expensive, but the preparations took a lot of effort because I basically made everything myself. A few mothers repeatedly commented on how they would never have the time or energy to do that. I smiled and said it was something I enjoyed doing. That’s true, but in my head I was also thinking that both of them had full-time jobs, husbands, homes and children. Of course their time is limited. I didn’t share these thoughts, because I didn’t want to open the work-outside-the-home versus the stay-at-home mom can of worms. I didn’t want them to feel like their choice to work cost them an opportunity to do something nice for their kids. I also didn’t want to relegate my life to something frivolous. I certainly don’t consider planning parties to be my job. Baking a cake for my son’s birthday is a pleasure I anticipated for a decade before his birth.
At the same party I spoke with another friend. She is married but doesn’t have any kids, nor does she plan to. She has a full-time job and an additional business project on the side. She saw my efforts, but instantly knew that I had a blast getting ready for the party. She is also a foodie, a great cook and a hostess extraordinaire. Over the years we have both acquired a wealth of knowledge about cooking and entertaining simply because we love it. I’ve always wondered why some people hate Martha Stewart so much. She cares about making her home excellent, so she spends her time on that. I think some people feel inadequate, because they choose to spend their energies elsewhere, but wish they had the same results. My sister-in-law’s house is tidier than mine, because she spends more time cleaning and less time cooking than I do. Nobody is best at everything. Each one of us can only do so much. Again we’re back to percentages.
Everybody gets one.
That’s the rule of this lifetime. (We’ll have to shelf the debate over reincarnation and the afterlife for another day.) For the life we’re living in this moment everybody gets: 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week, 52 weeks in a year, 365 days in a year (excepting a bonus day for all every four years). That’s it. We all get the same. It boils down to one. We all get one pie, and we get to make the choices about how to divvy it up.
Inflating percentages is damaging because it makes us believe we have more than we actually do. (Hey, isn’t that the false thinking that just tanked our economy?) In truth, don’t most people put in about 65-72% at the office? Wouldn’t it be nice if someone was honest and said, “Yeah, I gave that 32% of my energy, and I’m proud of that”? I admit, as a mom, that there are days when I am preoccupied with personal issues or overwhelmed with household chores and don’t give my kids 100% of my attention. In fact, come to think of it, they never get 100%, because it’s my life. It is possible to give your kids everything you can give, but still not give them everything. That’s the reality of percentages.
Why is this so important? Because the first step in finding balance is only attempting to hold what you can. A balanced life is not a juggling act full of perpetual motion and fear of dropping something precious. A balanced life is calmly eating the whole pie yourself, savoring it bite by bite.
100% of it.
Side note:
One of my English professors was so upset about the overuse of the exclamation point that she doled out twelve a year per person. She warned us to, “use them wisely.” I’m not as generous, so I’ll only afford you one exaggerated percentage per year. Please warn me when you use it, so I don’t mistake you for an idiot. If you’re reading this Dr. Bloxham, this one’s for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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