You should go grocery shopping with me.
Really.
It is an extraordinary event.
Somehow I managed to stumble into the VIP section at this late date in life. The only caveat is that my VIP status only extends to motherhood-related tasks, specifically the grocery store and the library. Fine by me; those are my stomping grounds so I am happy to rule them.
Just to note, in case you are new to mamaguru, I am not a cool person. Never have been, never will be. It’s just who I am. Way back before I was mamaguru, I sometimes got a taste of VIP status in the Miami club scene, but that was always because my boyfriend (now husband) had a friend who had a friend who could get us in somewhere. Connections like that got me into a private party at the Versace mansion once. Connections like that meant that the party turned out to be some porn star’s birthday bash. So, me as a VIP, not so much.
Until now.
Let me give you a little flavor of what it’s like to go to the grocery store with me.
We’ll start in the produce department, my arena. As I enter with my empty cart, the employees always greet me. Immediately I am asked what I am looking for. Of course, I could just grab it from the open bins, but these people know me, and know that I prefer the freshest items, so unless they just stocked a particular bin, they are happy to go to the back and grab an unopened box. I don’t even have to ask. In fact, sometimes, I demure, but they always insist on checking.
When I first asked for a fresher item, it was only because the bin was pitiful at the time. It was obviously about to be restocked, so why buy the rotten tomatoes? I mustered up the courage to ask an employee to check. I thought this would make me seem annoying, but it had the opposite effect. The produce guys love vegetables as much as I do and take pride in their work, so they see me as someone who appreciates their job.
One time I was grabbing some hydroponic basil on sale, but an employee stopped me. He thought it might also be on a buy-one-get-one free sale that wasn’t marked yet. He scanned my item and then ran to the back to get me two packages from the box that had just been delivered. That kind of stuff happens to me all the time.
At the checkout most cashiers know my name and many know my kids’ names. The manager also recognizes me and always says hello. If there are long lines, my cart is usually pulled to a new register that is just opening.
And don’t get me started on the library.
My children run up the ramp and charge through the double doors like they own the place. All the librarians know their names and one even has special nicknames for them. When storytime is unexpectedly cancelled, I get a call on my cell so we don’t have to be disappointed. My fines have been known to disappear. They even pull books and videos and set them aside because they know my interests so well.
One time my friend joined me for storytime.
You are like a rock star here! she said, mouth agape.
Well, I shrugged it off, we do come here a lot.
And for one instance, one tiny fraction of a second, I was almost cool.
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