The Road Ahead

Today I complete my 40th trip around the sun!  Tomorrow I will watch the sunrise over the ocean as I become a 40 year old woman.

I am so excited!

When I was in elementary school, Mrs. Freeze, a fifth grade teacher, turned 40 years old.  Her students brought 40 black balloons to school that filled her classroom.  It was such a sight, and oh, how we laughed!

Over the hill.  Am I over the hill?

I think that means a decline is in my future, although sliding downhill is usually a lot more fun that trudging up a mountain.  We glossed over that fact as kids.  Luckily, over-the-hill jokes are as dated as me (ha-ha), and I don’t expect to get any tomorrow (hint-hint).  At least not from my beloveds.

Why am I so excited to be 40?

It is a puzzle to me, especially since I’ve had aging issues since sophomore year of high school.  I lied about my age from then on, anticipating it was a mistake to go on record early in case it stuck.  I didn’t care much about Sweet 16, Adult 18, or the Holy American Grail of 21.  Each of those milestones worried me about the passing of time.  When I turned 30 I had just moved to Miami, and I invited my future husband, a girl who would become one of my dearest friends, and a girl I would never see again over to my studio apartment for appetizers.  They knew it was my birthday, but I refused to divulge the number.  We’re talking serious aging issues!  Now, I’ve been telling everyone, grocery store clerks, moms at school, strangers on the street, EVERYONE, that I’m turning 40.

The fact is, what I couldn’t see as a silly child or insecure young adult is that middle age is the best part of my life (so far).  The relief I feel in setting down the burdens of youth is tremendous.  I am no longer dreaming my life, or planning it; I’m LIVING it!  Along with a few wrinkles, I’ve been given the awesome gift of wisdom, and frankly, I can’t get enough of it.  Everyday offers it’s own unique gift for me to unwrap, learn from, cherish, and share.

Last year on my birthday, if you remember, I set upon an extraordinary trip around the sun.  I decided to devote a year of my life to becoming the most authentic version of myself that I could be.  And I did it!  I haven’t shared much on mamaguru.com, because it’s a book halfway written at this point, but it’s been an amazing project discovering life-changing insights and the best writing of my life.  Turning 40 marks not just a new decade for me, but the completion of a big project, and the beginning of a new phase in my life.

As I set out to find my middle-aged footing, the sacredness and finite quality of  life was ever poignant as I watched friends bury their mothers and others battle cancer.  To have even an ounce of sadness at the passing of my youth would be an affront to the gift I have received by living this long.  Funny, I never thought of myself as privileged.  My father died when I was three and I was raised by a single mother.  Money was always an issue.  I didn’t meet my husband until I was a nervous wreck thinking I might always be alone.

But here I am married to the man I love and living in a home with lots of windows and our two beautiful sons.  My mother is still alive and my sister has a wonderful family of her own.  I have lifelong friends and new friends whom I love.  I have been given talent, knowledge, inspiration, education and now, even some wisdom.  For forty years the sun has risen over me, and my eyes have fluttered open to greet it.

I am privileged, indeed.